In recent years, happiness has taken centre stage in self-help books, workplace initiatives and social media conversations. It’s often portrayed as the ultimate goal – a constant state of mind we should all be striving to reach and maintain.
But is this focus actually helpful?
There’s a growing case to suggest it might not be. In fact, the pressure to be happy all the time could be doing more harm than good.
The Problem with Chasing Happiness
Happiness, by its nature, is fleeting. It’s a passing emotion – a response to something going well in the moment. It’s wonderful when it shows up, but it was never meant to be a permanent state.
Life, after all, is unpredictable. It brings moments of joy, yes – but also sadness, frustration, boredom, anxiety and everything in between. Expecting ourselves to feel happy through it all is unrealistic, and often leads to the opposite: disappointment, self-judgement and the sense that we’re somehow falling short.
Research backs this up. A study by Ford and colleagues (2014) found that valuing happiness too highly can actually lead to lower wellbeing. Why? Because people become more disappointed when they don’t feel happy, and interpret that as a personal failure.
An Alternative: Inner Contentment
So, what might be more helpful than chasing happiness?
Contentment.
Unlike happiness, contentment isn’t about how things are going on the outside. It’s about how we relate to our experience. It’s the quiet sense that, even when life is messy, we are fundamentally OK.
Contentment makes space for all emotions – joy and sadness, excitement and fear, hope and doubt. It says: “I can be with this.” Whatever this is.
Psychological studies support this approach. Research into emotional acceptance and psychological flexibility – the ability to face our thoughts and feelings without trying to control or avoid them – shows a strong link to long-term wellbeing. Studies by Hayes et al. (2006) and Kashdan and Rottenberg (2010) found that people who accept their emotions, rather than fight or fix them, experience greater resilience and life satisfaction.
The Real Question
When we stop chasing happiness and start practising acceptance, something shifts.
Instead of constantly asking ourselves, “Am I happy?” – which can be a loaded and often unhelpful question – we can begin to ask something gentler, and more grounding:
“Can I be with myself, as I am, right now?”
That’s not about settling or giving up. It’s about building a kind of inner steadiness – one that doesn’t rise and fall with every mood or moment. And that, in many ways, is where real freedom begins.
